In a winter’s breath
“I love you”
With every breath
My soul desires you;
Breath life into me
Resurrect me from
The hell of lonely torment;
See the desires of my heart
Forever let me relive
A stranger propositions her
She accepts with a smile
Her body dances loudly
But quietly her spirit cries;
See her deep wounds
See the torment in her eyes
She earns her money;
But every time,
The depths of her are left behind.
In my nakedness
The truth is revealed;
I am cold.
I am desolate.
In her he finds comfort. In her he can have a moment’s peace.
I am a child of the night
Hear my growls of hunger
See the pain that I suffer
Witness the eyes that have
Seen what can never be unseen
Hear my cries
Look into my soul and see
The dark secrets that
I withhold from my mother
See my tears and the hurt
That I daily suffer
Witness the pain inflicted
By a real life monster
Who causes great harm
And nights of insomnia
Record my dreams of
being a bird in flight
And escaping the torture
See the scars on my mind
And on my soul
Witness the physical and mental
Trauma that takes a double toll
See the land of peace
That my mind has devised
Where there is no more pain
Only love and clear blue skies
Hear the screams that awaken
Me at night
The bad dreams, the fear, the fright
See my Christmas list to Santa for toys,
And for the suffering to go away
To be accepted by my peers at school
who tell me I’m not wanted,
And exclude me from their play
See my poverty and the laughter in class
From boys and girls of a different class
Feel my anger and feel my pain
Feel my sadness walking home in the rain
See my ideations of not wanting
To be here anymore
Looking at cars go by
Wishing I wasn’t poor
See the feelings of pain
And revenge that I hide
That I’ve never told, and eat me up inside
This cold cold world is no place for a child
I’m sorry I have to go; the street lights are on
Mom says I have to come inside.
What is life that we should live it?
What is suffering that we should bear it?
The crow walks along on a long wire
And stares at me as if acknowledging my pain;
The heavens open and release a frightful,
And thunderous rain—
My god, what a glorious wonder;
On sentimental midnight talks of love
Hearts are torn asunder—
Am I not worthy?
Am I not a man who has sought peace
On mornings early?
The frightful thoughts invade and subdue—
In my hour of panic I see intimate visions of you;
You were my world and my only love—
Pure and incorruptible;
You brought from within me a lost smile,
And took away all my troubles—
The harshness of life cares not about
The matters of love and of the heart;
I am lost in desolation and utter dryness—
I am a man in need of water, whispering
Strange utterances and stumbling aimlessly
In the wilderness.
Who will hear my cry?
In our moments of turmoil on somber nights
My love, you would cry;
My angel, let us together release our hurt and pain.
For your hurt is my hurt, and your sorrow my sorrow.
I dreamed of you in rows of
Lavender, fuchsia, purple, yellow and blue.
I had seen you my angel coming from the heavens
To resurrect me from the death of melancholy,
And lonely despair;
Your gleaming white wings spread and comforted me.
In your warmth I was wrapped up—
The potency of your love healed me;
Your smile and laughter brought me back to life;
The indescribable feelings that I feel
Rise up within my spirit tonight—
If you only knew my heart still belonged to you;
If you could only see my desires deep within …
I love you;
I long for you—
In weeping I have found my strength;
In suffering I have found my endurance.
The world may burn
but my feet shall not be scorched.
Like seagrass I will move to and fro
in violent tides but shall be at peace.
In my weariness I will remember
The comfort of my mother;
In my darkness I will unrepentantly
And angrily curse the name of my father.
I shall be uninhibited; I will not be contained;
I shall not be swayed;
Like a giant oak tree I shall stand
Alone in sprawling glory.
I will not wither, but thrive.
I will not fold, but flourish.
Precious memories will sustain me,
And the love in my heart shall nourish me.
Vile words and bad intentions
Shall not prevail against me.
I am a mangrove forest anchored in deep waters.
Like the Harpy Eagle,
I will be extremely focused and resolved.
I will not be shaken;
I shall not be bound.
For lost loves and broken hearts
For the sufferers and torn apart
For wonderful dreams and peaceful streams
For the intimate moments we hold sacred in our memory
For the survivors
For the resilience of depressed single mothers
For the hopes and dreams of loving fathers
For the time you told me I was a good son
For the time I told you I loved you more than anything in this world
For Julia, Alvara, Herminio, Viveca, Howard, and Esmeralda
For making me a drink and sharing a cigarette with me when I was in tears
For loving me for the time you did
For the love I poured out unconditionally to all I’ve loved
For Sandy and the time we rode the 2 train to Grand Concourse
For summers in New York
For the pizza shop around the corner from Burke Avenue that sold the best slices
For my grandmother
For my mother
For the promise I swore to myself at an early age not to be a non-existent father
For the first time I told you I loved you, and meant it with all my heart
For understanding and genuine compassion
For the anguished who think they can’t hold on any longer but always find a way out
For those who are gone and dearly beloved, whose memories will live on forever
For Irish coffees at any time of day and good cigars
For the lonely and the pursuit of genuine love
For the tired and weary who take long rides on city buses to make a living
For the victims of abuse
For the homeless who quietly cry in dark abandoned buildings in sleeping bags on cold nights
For all of us.
As the small
Yellow pills wear off
Thus begins his
Descent into hell.
Kiss me and move my spirit;
I love you with a love I can hardly fathom.
Move my heart in winter’s tempest
And touch my soul on warm summer nights.
The heavens know I would die for you;
Together we have walked the path of love and sorrow;
You are my angel —
Your white wings are spread and I am comforted;
Only you know my hurt and my deep pain.
Caress my face and bring me back to life.
If I should die, let me die telling you that I love you;
Your tears of joy move me to emotion,
And we cry together.
Let us not be separated in this life or the next;
Neither strife, nor blight, nor hardship, nor suffering,
Nor whispers, nor lies,
nor the cast of unapproving eyes ever separate us.
Ours is a marriage of the heart and soul;
We look into each other’s eyes,
And our vows are exchanged in silent intimacy,
And everlasting passion.
We are our own rings;
We are our own symbols of love.
Let us lie together and please each other
Without inhibition and with extreme intent;
Your beauty is akin to a flawless natural blue diamond;
I will savor the rareness of you. Forever I love you.